It's been just over three weeks since I gave birth to Oscar. I was going to write this post much earlier than this but am actually glad that I didn't because it would have been much more negative than it's going to be.
Dealing with the feelings surrounding your post pregnancy body can be really hard. I know a lot of women thrive on their pregnant bodies – I certainly felt super sexy with my big bump in gorgeous long maternity dresses and even when I was butt naked I was in such awe of what my body was doing, I thought it was beautiful.
My feelings on my post natal body however have been very different and I remember feeling the same last time, especially in those early days.
That first week is the worst. You are bleeding heavily from below and depending on how you gave birth, you are likely in some kind of pain. With Zach it was the csection pain but with Oscar, having had an episiotomy, my noonie was agony and it just made me feel crap about myself. Even though it wasn't about body image, the feeling was horrible, my lady bits felt like they'd been hit by a bus and it just made me feel really down. Everything was a massive effort and I wasn't mentally prepared for not being able to do anything. It really affected how I felt about myself and it wasn't positive at all.
Then there are the boobs. Once the milk comes in, those engorged, painful, leaky boobs feel bloody horrible. For days, if not a week or so while they are still learning how much they need to produce for the baby, they are huge and to me felt really ugly. The nipples are probably really sore and make everything ten times worse. I was terrified the first time I put a bra on (which was actually on day 9 because I'd been at home in nursing vests) but it wasn't as bad as I thought.
I don't know why but the worst for me was in, and immediately after, the shower. Maybe it's because I was completely naked and all of those bits that I hated were out for me to see, I just know I was most uncomfortable with myself at that specific moment. I couldn't wait to get a bit of make up on and some clothes to feel more like myself.
I've been pretty lucky that with both births, I've lost my tummy pretty quickly. The first time was definitely slower because I'd had a csection but both times the breastfeeding has made me shrink. That said, my body is not back to what it was pre-pregnancy and I found that I couldn't get into any of my jeans and equally, my maternity trousers were all a bit baggy looking which made me look a bit silly. I found that I didn't have any tops in which I could easily breastfeed in so while we were in Mothercare, I found myself some nice tops which I bought. I then during the week popped into the local New Look to have a look for some jeggings. I didn't want to buy any proper jeans, right now I need elasticated comfy bottoms, firstly because my body shape is constantly changing at the moment and secondly, because I'm still healing down below and so I need a softer material in order to not irritate it. I found two pairs of really nice jeggings that actually fitted my legs and bum as well as my hips and while I was there I found two really gorgeous cardigans. I shouldn't have bought them all but they made me feel fab and so I just had to!
So, as you can see, in three weeks I have gone from hating my post pregnancy body to not really minding it. I still have a way to go until I'll fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans and I obviously can't do any major exercise until I'm more healed down below but I'm hoping that as I am feeling much more active, I can start getting out for some walks and at least start getting to how I want to be.