Quite simply, I just can't believe it. One whole year ago today you came into our lives. You entered this world on your due date and in such a rush – desperate to get out and see what life was all about.
I started getting 'feelings' at around midday, by 6pm I was having regular contractions and at 9pm I was in a speeding taxi, trying to get to the hospital in time – trying not to give birth to you on the back seat. I just made it – screaming up the corridor, taken into the hands of the startled midwives who thought I was just overexagerating, telling them that I felt like I needed to push, told to wait so that they could assess me to see how dilated I was and then told that wow, I was fully dilated and I could push. Little more than an hour later, you were born with just a little gas and air for assistance. This utterly beautiful, most perfect baby boy with a tiny button nose and a head full of jet black hair.
I fell in love with you instantly. I knew I would as I was totally in love with you from the moment I knew that you were in my tummy. But with a second child, you do wonder how you will be able to split the love between two. I had no problems though – both you and your brother are my absolute world.
I remember the feeling I had when I met you for the first time. When you were placed on my belly. The feeling of relief that I had managed to get you out when I was at a point of wanting to give up. The feeling of intense love when I looked at your beautiful little face. It really is the most overwhelming feeling ever and I don't think there are words that can actually describe it.
And then the next day when your brother came in to meet you. That moment will be engrained in my memory forever.
From that day on, life has been a whirlwind. That's why I can't believe you are one already. I feel like I have blinked and it has happened.
You had a bit of a rough start after your lovely brother brought a cold home from nursery and passed it onto you. We had the usual overnight stay in hospital when it turned into bronchiolitis. Wanting to outdo your brother who had it at the same age – where he was referred during the day after a doctor's appointment, with you it was a 4am ambulance trip! The illness lasted for a couple of months and I felt like I was robbed of what would have been a really happy baby. But you couldn't be too happy when you were struggling to breathe through a bunged up nose and coughing constantly. God knows how much saline spray we got through in those weeks.
And then when that was all over, your brother brought home chicken pox! And you came down with it with full force. It was truly awful and the sight of you was a very sorry one. We got through it though, you were a superstar, and hopefully now it's done and dusted.
From then on, things turned upwards, the illnesses all went away and you became the happy, bouncing, independent and fiery boy that you are today.
And boy you are fiery! In the last week, you have developed this noise, this almost desperate plea when you want something. It's a bit like an alarm that won't stop until it gets it's own way. You do it when you are hungry, you do it when you are tired, you do it when you want a specific toy or if one of us has taken something from you. I honestly don't know what you are going to be like when we hit those terrible twos because you are already a force to be reckoned with!
Your eating has come on in leaps and bounds and I am so blooming happy. We had such a slow start and a couple of weeks ago when I mentioned it to the health visitor, she basically told me that I needed to completely cut back on the breastfeeds. You must have been paying attention because pretty much from that moment onwards, you have been eating. Breakfast is now a hit whereas before, you were just not that bothered. Lunch is devoured and dinner is a success. And the snacks in between have been on the up too and you love sweetcorn rings, biscotti and carrot sticks in particular. Your favourite is still yogurt – it's still the only food that you get upset when it's ended!
You are still breastfeeding and I am so blooming proud that we have hit the one year mark. Who'd have thought it ay pickle?! Don't get me wrong, right now I am falling out of love with it a bit again – it's starting to hurt and your nighttime awakenings have been so regular that I feel like I am constantly feeding you. I don't know what will happen – whether I'll try and wean you onto cow's milk to give myself a reprieve or whether we'll just carry on as we are. Taking away the boob for you would be like taking away the dummy that Zach relied on and it just doesn't seem fair.
Your sleep is really hit and miss. Some nights you sleep all evening, some you wake a few times and struggle to re-settle. You still know when I have just got cosy in bed and wake up to get in with us! I have been super tired the last week but I know that one day we will get there! For now, I'll just enjoy the closeness of you. Because it is still lush when you snuggle into me.
Your vocabulary has expanded once again and yes…you are finally saying mamamamama!! I knew it would come and it did, along with nanananana. Those two usually come when you want something or are frustrated. And when you are trying to tell us a story, it's a lot of gagaga and bababa. You are such a little chatterbox, it's gorgeous to watch. You also love pointing to things and this always comes with a questioning 'ga' and then you still love saying yaya. We often copy each other which is super adorable!
You love to play with anything. Your walkers, the big truck, Zach's train set. Probably your favourite thing right now is the keyboard. You love to press the keys, turn the music on and have a dance. And you have even had a sing down the microphone although you do prefer to simply try and eat it! You also love playing shop with Zach!
You love to pick things up and shove them in your mouth – you are a nightmare! I cannot tell you the amount of times that I have had to extract things out of your mouth. Dust, stones, bits of paper. You name it, you find it! I sweep constantly but you still manage to find the smallest bits that I have missed and in they are popped and I suddenly hear the smacking of your lips letting me know that you are processing something! The worst bit now though is that you pretend to eat things! So a lot of the time I don't know whether you actually have something in there or not. And with your pirahna style teeth, putting my fingers in your mouth is a risky business!
We have just gone back to baby sensory but it will be your last term as you will then be too old. I feel like we only just started and that journey is already coming to an end. I am planning on finding you a different class to go too and I am also going to try out a couple of local playgroups. I know I need to keep you occupied and that's going to be the best way of doing it.
I can't believe I am saying this but you aren't walking! I honestly thought you would be but you haven't found the confidence to take those first steps. You cruise around, climb over things, climb on and up things, crawl at speed. But no first steps yet! They will come, and probably soon – but I was convinced you would have done them by your first birthday!
And that my little one year old, is that.
Happy birthday you gorgeous thing. We all love you so very much!