#Blogtober17 day 12 – Love

So, today's prompt for #Blogtober is love and it's meant that I have finally got around to writing a post that I have been meaning to write for ages.


I'll never forget the moment that I laid eyes on Zach. He was screaming his little lungs out, having been extracted from my stomach before he had decided that he was ready. I was bawling my eyes out, and the other half was bawling his eyes out too. I know that not everyone is lucky enough to feel that first surge of love for their child, that for some it can take weeks or even months to develop it; but for me, that love was instant. 

I fell in love with my baby boy the moment I realised he was growing in my stomach. I was fiercely protective of my bump and I have been fiercely protective of my beautiful boy since he was born. There is not anything that I woudn't do for him. OK, most some days he drives me crazy, especially since he started school and has been acting like a teenager, but honestly, he has been my world for five years. He is my precious boy that I still stand and stare at when he's sleeping, not quite believing that he is mine. 

So when we decided it was time to have another child, and even though I so desperately wanted another baby, I was unsure of how I was going to be able to love someone else as much as I loved my first born. As to how I would split that love between two of them. I know that the other half also found it really hard to comprehend and I think that he was quite worried that he wouldn't manage it. 

Once again, as soon as I dicovered I was pregnant, I was in love. I didn't know him at this point though, so it couldn't be anywhere near the love I felt for the child who had been my all for over three years. 

He grew, he wriggled (all the time), he kicked and punched (all the time) – almost like he was constantly reminding me that very soon he would be in my world. The second born child, reminding me that he was there – that it wasn't going to be all about Zach anymore.

And even though I felt this love and couldn't wait to meet him, I still didn't know how that love could be shared between the two of them.

And then he was born. And then it all made sense.  

I fell instantly head over heels in love with him. He was the second most beautiful thing to enter my life and my heart almost burst open the moment that I saw him, just like it had done with his big brother. 

And then, when Zach came with my mum to pick us up from hospital, and he met his baby brother for the first time, my god, my heart ached. It was the most beautiful moment that I have experienced and I felt utterly complete. 

And now, a year on from that?

I love them both so much. 

When I watch them playing together, my heart is bursting with love and pride. 

When Zach is fast asleep and I am standing over him, I am absolutely besotted with him.

When I pick him up from school and he starts telling me about his day whilst skipping down the road, I just smile – a smile that beams of love.

And when Oscar wakes up in the evening, sitting in his cot looking around for mumma – my heart almost leaves my body.

And when he does something new, like clap, or dance, or wave – I am bowled over for this new little love who is learning everything his brother already knows. Everything I have taken for granted for the last few years.

I have learnt something very simple. Something that no mother can know when they are expecting their second baby.

There is no such thing as having to split your love between your children. Because when that second baby comes out into the world, your love simply doubles. 

 

#Blogtober17
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26 Comments

  1. October 13, 2017 / 11:04 pm

    What a lovely post. I think it does change when you have a second baby, but you definitely don't love the first any less, I think if anything you love them more! #blogtober

  2. October 17, 2017 / 6:24 am

    This is such a lovely post! Gorgeous pictures too. We can all relate to your description of love for your little one xx #twinklytuesday

  3. October 17, 2017 / 6:41 am

    This has made me feel a bit teary this morning. What a beautiful post. I remember vividly that ‘my heart is going to explode’ feeling when our little girl met our baby boy for the first time – we brought him home at three in the morning, got into bed, and she came running in, hopped in our bed, and just stared at him. I’ve never felt anything quite like the emotions I felt in that moment. Your boys are lovely! #twinklytuesday

  4. October 17, 2017 / 7:07 am

    Oh gosh that was a heart warming and heart felt post to kick start a Tuesday. A lovely tribute to your children #TwinklyTuesday

  5. October 17, 2017 / 7:36 am

    It is so true your love does double or triple in my case. This was such a lovely post to read #twinklytuesday

  6. October 17, 2017 / 9:18 am

    Such a lovely post. Thanks for sharing.

    Ellen x

    #TwinklyTuesday

  7. October 17, 2017 / 9:41 am

    Oh wow, what a totally lovely post. It’s amazing how much love you have for someone you’ve never met then how much the love increases when you have siblings. I’ve heard people say that they don’t want another child as they don’t know how they could love another one as much as the first child. It’s incredible how much love your heart can produce #twinklytuesday xx

  8. October 17, 2017 / 10:03 am

    So sweet. My girls are my everything and they take my heart. I was meant to be a mum. 🙂
    #twinklytuesday

  9. October 17, 2017 / 10:16 am

    This is beautiful and your boys are adorable! I never believed there was any greater love until I had my boy and I understand what you mean that although they drive us banana’s some days, we still love them unconditionally. It’s even harder for me to imagine how I would be able to love more than my baby boy if I was to have another baby. You’ve done a great job! #TwinklyTuesday

  10. October 17, 2017 / 11:36 am

    Lovely post! The love we experience as parents is just something out of this world! #twinklytuesday

  11. October 17, 2017 / 11:44 am

    This is beautiful. Made me all emotional. #twinklytuesday

  12. October 17, 2017 / 11:46 am

    This is lovely. I agree, I don’t think love is an amount, so it can’t be split. #TwinklyTuesday

  13. October 17, 2017 / 11:56 am

    What a cuddly, cute adorable post! And this love is eternal!!!
    God bless you and the lovely kids and the family!
    Anagha recently posted Most Bankable Virtual Pal

  14. October 17, 2017 / 12:42 pm

    Your definition of live totally changes once you become a parent. Totally agree.

  15. October 17, 2017 / 1:48 pm

    This boy-mum is swooning with joy over this post. And one of the dearest things to my heart is that my boys are still friends and love each other — and enjoy one another! — even though three of them have grown and gone.

  16. October 17, 2017 / 5:50 pm

    What a lovely post. It is amazing to see the kids together. I hope they will always be close. #twinklytuesday

  17. October 17, 2017 / 7:28 pm

    Beautiful post and very true. I did not bond with my second son for 6 months but when I did it was a fierce love

  18. October 17, 2017 / 9:59 pm

    Awww this is SO sweet. What a lovely post, such gorgeous little boys xxx

  19. October 17, 2017 / 10:08 pm

    Such a lovely post. I too really worried about how I could love another child as much as the first, but like you said, once they are born it all makes sense! #twinklytuesday

  20. October 17, 2017 / 11:54 pm

    I had the same feelings when I was pregnant with Mylo and I feel slightly similar this next time round too. Wondering how the boys are going to take to a new baby and how our dynamics might change! #twinklytuesday

  21. October 19, 2017 / 6:23 am

    This is such a beautifully written post, your boys are lovely xx #twinklytuesday

  22. October 19, 2017 / 10:59 am

    What a beautiful post. I agree as a mother you can’t split your love for your children. I love both my kids equally and I never want them to think that I love the one more than the other.#twinklytuesday

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