I long for a day of no shouting at my five year old

Every day I wake up and think it’s a fresh day. It always starts well but somewhere along the line, Zach ignores us or is rude to us and it all starts going downhill.

I have written before about the threenager stage and then the fournager stage too. But by god, the five year old stage…gaaaaaaaah.

It is so far like nothing else. Every single age comes along and it just gets worse and worse.

The thing is, he isn’t all bad. The majority of the time he is a delightful little boy, and no more so than when we are in public which always makes me very proud. But then he does something and I am left at my wits end with him. And it’s not just me. He winds the other half up something chronic too and it is leaving us exhausted, and pretty fed up with having to repeat things over and over again.

Today for example, the other half was telling him to get off of him. Only he didn’t. So he told him again, and again, and again and he just would not listen. We try to tell him that if someone wants you to get off of them, then you simply must get off – it’s important to know the boundaries and when someone is unhappy or uncomfortable. But he just did not listen to either of us and so I snapped. I shouted at him, I removed him from the other half and I took him out into the hall and onto the stairs where he then proceeded to scream. And I felt like the worst mother in the world. Damn, why wouldn’t he just listen the first time so that we didn’t have to go through this again and again.

I know that he isn’t the worst child in the world. I know that pretty much everyone with a five year old complains about the behaviour changes, the ignorance, the ruddy attitude. A lot of it comes with starting school, mixing with other children, feeling like they can do whatever they want! But that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with when it is happening over and over again.

The whinging. On the way to school, constant whinging. The constant requests for food after school and then having a meltdown when denied (because he’s already had three damn snacks and it’s nearly dinner time). The pretence on the way home from school that he is in a happy, lovely mood, only for us to walk through the front door and some demon teenager in a small body be let loose.

Every single day there is something. Every single day I say to him,

“Tomorrow, do you think that maybe we can have no shouting. No attitude. No rudeness. No ignoring. If you could just listen to us and pay attention to what we are saying, we can all be happy and not shouty.”

And the promises are made, the agreement is there, and then boom. It all goes wrong.

It is just exhausting.

And the worst thing is that I know it’s not going to get any better. I know that with each further stage, more and more challenges come our way. And then they really do turn into teenagers and well, by god.

I’m not really sure that there is any real point to this post. It’s a bit of a brain dump of a post, somewhere to just let it all out. But equally, there is some hope that I receive a little comment reminding me that I am not alone. And maybe there might be someone else tearing their hair out at home who reads this and thinks, thank gawd for that, I am not alone, this is totally normal five year old behaviour!

It doesn’t ever make it better at the time, but it always makes you feel better knowing that you aren’t alone.

Mumma (or Dadda), you are not alone!

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8 Comments

  1. February 11, 2018 / 8:57 am

    It sounds like this is really making day-to-day life stressful for you and your family. It can be so draining!

    If it’s any consolation, I feel like this post describes my three-year-old perfectly too!

    There are some resources I’ve found helpful that put an emphasis on child development and why they do the things they do. It helps from a compassion point of view but I’ve yet to reign in the shouting either. Dunno if you’ve come across Janet Lansbury’s podcasts/blog or a site called Aha Parenting.

    I’m with you here in solidarity!!

    • February 11, 2018 / 10:08 pm

      I feel like I have totally looked at that website before so will have to have another look! Thanks for the solidarity – we are in this together!

  2. February 11, 2018 / 9:32 am

    Oh bless you. It’s the same here. The whining, the ignoring, the attitude. Fingers crossed it will pass.

    • February 11, 2018 / 10:07 pm

      It’s always so nice to know I am not alone. It is draining isn’t it? It’s like for every good moment, another bad one comes along. I am so fed up of yelling but it’s the only way I can get any response from him at the moment! Sending hugs x

  3. February 11, 2018 / 10:49 am

    It’s not easy, my 3 year old son has major attitude at the moment, when I tell him to do something he says “tough luck” he screams when he gets put into his room… It’s hard. Lucky he isn’t like this all the time, but when he is, it’s stressful and I often cry and wish I didn’t tell so much. Mum guilt, fun huh?!

    • February 11, 2018 / 10:06 pm

      Oh darling. I am so there with you. It is so upsetting and they just don’t realise how much it affects us. Sending you all the hugs. I wish I could tell you it gets better but I wouldn’t want to lie (although hopefully it will get better for you!) xx

  4. BD
    February 18, 2018 / 8:08 am

    Hi, my kid is adopted so we have to use a totally different approach with him because of the trauma of his early years. This means shouting is a tool that’s not in our toolbox. However, there is something called PACE by Dan Hughes that may help you. It doesn’t only have to be used with adopted kids. They say that all behaviour is communication – especially before they’ve learnt to link feelings with words.

    • February 20, 2018 / 10:55 pm

      Thanks for that – I shall check it out 🙂

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